For every beginning there would be an ending, not going to bore you with long prologues so I will tell you a little bit of myself: For humans or girls like me, it’s essential to eat, drink, breath, and let go of what’s in my heart. In order to protect my sanity and my wounded heart, I opt to write away for anyone who would enter my tumblr blog. Enjoy my online diary. Love, Solo Girl ♥

  1. Bye-bye.

    I tried to look away,

    I swear that I’ve tried,

    But couldn’t get away,

    It was an intense stare,

    Almost turning into a glare,

    My head spun fast as I stared back,

    Memories rushed through me,

    Taking me away from the globe,

    Wished it would set me free,

    Oh no, I’m stuck there,

    Nothing but laughter, silliness, and no air,

    Everything blurred,

    Like déjà vu but it was worse,

    It felt so true,

    I spun with the memories,

    I said it would pass,

    I believed it would, but it dint.

    Those reckless moments sent me joy

    I haven’t forgotten you…

    And as much as it hurts to say:

    I still haven’t forgotten you.

    And one more thing, sorry for not saying goodbye,

    And here I go again, saying another bye-bye.

  2. Faking Happiness.

    It turns out that I’m faking happiness,

    I’m now worthless,

    Trying my best not to be an actress,

    Over the years I faked my laughter,

    It sounded beautiful so many fell for it,

    I never understood what they chased after,

    Now I don’t know where I would fit.

    If happiness does exist,

    Is it meant for someone who sinned?

    What if the opportunity to see heaven’s doors I missed?

    Then against the wall I’m pinned,

    Angels looking at me waiting for the moment I’d be skinned.

    I’m a good girl, can’t you see?

    If I’m not then they why didn’t you foresee?

    Telling me that you’re the best at planning out,

    Something I began to doubt.

    If you’re good at it,

    Then tell me how to not fake happiness.

  3. Don’t believe in my soul.

    You believe my soul is good,

    Something no one understood,

    But you know nothing about my soul,

    In my heart there’s one black hole,

    Nothing I have I can control.

    And I’m not daring to step in and take control,

    I need to know why you believe I’m good.

    I wanna know how I’m beautiful in your eyes.

    Is it only my face you saw or deep inside?

    You saw the bright side I bet,

    You never wanted to know the rest,

    I wish I wouldn’t give you a reason to see the worst,

    Yet it feels like uncompleted obligation,

    So now, I’m deciding to let you see the worse of me,

    Giving you everything you wouldn’t expect,

    Just to kill your high hopes and your respect,

    Did you see that? Did you even suspect?

    I need you to runaway,

    Giving my ugly heart a chance to reappear,

    And the rest of the bitter me,

    Giving you a chance to sneer,

    Now your eyes are open, now you see.

  4. Hate and love easily.

    Sometimes I don’t understand myself,

    How can I hate and love so easily?

    If you were in my place would you understand yourself?

    I don’t get why I’m still confused,

    You find it funny don’t you, are you amused?

    I’m not the one who lied all the way.

    Hate to admit it but I have to say:

    That you made me hate myself,

    You make me regret seeing myself in the mirror.

    Forgetting all the things we had together.

    Punching my reflection so hard,

    I wish I could send myself to the graveyard.

    But I won’t do that,

    I don’t need from you one less chat,

    I would lay my foot on the ground,

    And say it’s all over now.

    For you, I’d make my heart stop the stupid pound,

    I’m not going to give you the chance to bow.

    I’ve been stripped of happiness, yeah,

    You don’t need me to see,

    I’m gonna strip you from the made-up protection,

    And I’d make sure I’d leave you with a concussion.

    Just to make things right,

    Still I don’t understand myself,

    If you were in my place would you understand yourself?

    Would you hate and love so easily?

  5. That girl, is she me?

    Found out today that girl dint disappear,

    Holding deep inside fear,

    Still scared of everything,

    Taking in sorrow and anything,

    Shrinking away from everyone’s stare,

    Suffocating from the air,

    Yet, trying to learn how to walk again,

    Although sometimes she feels she missed the train,

    Mom and Dad please don’t be sad, she says.

    She wants everything to be alright,

    Although she dint find the strength to walk tonight.

    She tries so hard, creating images of beautiful life,

    Trying to imagine one day being a good wife,

    Running around with rehearsed thoughts on mind,

    Trying to clear out that she’s not blind,

    Twisting and turning on bed,

    Fearing she’d remember that night’s dread.

    Searching for the truth if it exists,

    Punching her like a man’s fist.

    Gone hiding from God’s wish,

    Leaving nothing but only earth,

    Hiding away from family and friends,

    Learning they turned behind her back to enemies,

    Taking her soul’s melodies,

    She’s having no allies.

  6. An Angel

    An angel smiled upon me,

    I couldn’t see his face,

    Couldn’t see past his glory,

    Just like a another fairytale or some short story,

    He told me everything would be alright,

    And you’re one lucky worthless soul,

    Your wish would be granted as for tonight.

    I tried to look away, he held my stare,

    And said gently: I’m taking your soul away.

    Nothing would happen but you’ll fade forever away.

    Taking his hand without hesitation,

    I try to fly,

    Never saying any goodbye,

    Smiling at my lover for standing close by,

    I can no longer be his,

    He would be fine.

    And somehow I’m gone within the wind,

    Gone without remorse.

  7. Blank Page.

    They say that dreams are not true,

    I’m not sure if that’s correct,

    The ending of that dream felt like a nightmare,

    I told myself: It’s just one bad dream,

    I’ll get over it, it would never happen again,

    I guess I was wrong; I couldn’t look beyond it,

    Drowning helplessly with my horrible thoughts,

    There was nothing to look forward to,

    There was no reason to cry but I’m crying anyway,

    I looked into his eyes before walking away,

    Waiting for a reply or ‘please don’t runaway’,

    There was nothing but a blank stare,

    I tried to see beyond his gaze,

    I wanted to know what I might find,

    Found nothing just one blank page,

    Where another name is written next to his,

    I smiled waiting for the world to end,

    Waiting for my heart stop beating,

    I realized it would never do,

    Walking away thinking about the wrong I did.

    I can’t seem to find a reason, but why?

    Then why I’m not there?

    Why I’m not on that blank page?

  8. I love you more than my soul, it made me somehow whole, and I love it when I’m complete.
  9. Bringing myself to justice.

    I’m bringing myself to justice,

    I’d go for the doom,

    The outcome of that we both know,

    I’d be gone, and then the flowers would bloom.

    Scream your lungs and make me stay,

    Kiss me till the end of the day,

    We don’t need this,

    Another memory to reminisce,

     

    Kill me here kill me there,

    I’m you’re everywhere,

    Bring me to justice,

    Kiss me away the tears,

    That seized for many years.

     

    I love you,

    But this is the end,

    It’s so near and so clear,

    It would end and you’ll mend.

    I’ll make sure of that.

  10. You’re enemy/love.

    I’m stealing you,

    Away from happiness,

    And you know it’s true,

    I’m leaving you clueless.

    I’m there until you’d go,

    Humming away the melody you know,

    I’d let you with the flow,

    Carrying the things you only know.

    I won’t let you kiss me,

    No hugs, I’m your enemy,

    Can’t you see?

    That girl, is in constant flee.

    All the memories you’d loved,

    It was soon forgotten,

    And once again, you’ve fallen for me,

    And again you’re being shoved.

  11. Who are you? Who am I?

    Who are you?

     Who am I?

    Where are you?

     Why I’m not there?

    I couldn’t help but wonder.

    If everything is sealed away,

    In a mail or in a way,

    I’m still in you, I know.

    It’s something to ponder.

    Keep the pain,

    Keep the act of being vain,

    I don’t want to be sane.

    What if I was there?

    And you’re here.

    I can’t help but to wonder.

    Love is death and death is love,

    You still take away my breath,

    I don’t where to go..

    If I’m there,

     If you’re here,

    I can’t help but to wonder.

    Letting go was so hard,

    But it was enough to keep you going,

    I’m in you and you in me.

    I don’t know who we are,

     And what are we doing.

    Who am I?

    Who are you?

    Why am I still there to love you?

  12. You consume me.

    Don’t be there,

    Don’t be here,

    I can’t handle you being anywhere near.

    I can’t see,

    I can’t even hear,

    My head would never be clear.

    I’m gone.

    And you’re alone.

    I can’t find another reason to mourn.

    Express grief when I’m away,

    Let all the tears runaway,

    I won’t be there to witness anyway,

    You have to surrender and give it all away.

    I’m the pain.

    I’m the rain.

    I’m the only one you’d ever drain.

    The love you keep hiding,

    Would consume you,

    You know you’d end up crying.

    Quit the show you’re trying,

    If you don’t, we would end up dying.

    Let me go and I would be gone,

    Let me see the sun, I’d be the one,

    Let me run, we’d be done.

    No midnight, no ache,

    Nothing you can ever take.

    Nothing there to break,

    You’d be happy.

    And nothing ever going to be at stake.

  13. It would happen again.

    I don’t know how to make him happy,

    It might take me years.

    And although I can handle the tears,

    I’m not sure I can reach that goal.

    And as I try, I do fail,

    I keep on forgetting how much he loved her,

    And how she was the one he’d prefer,

    It seems like I’m going to slip underneath again.

    Once I reach underneath I would want you to let go,

    Don’t cry.

    Don’t even try to make me resurface again,

    It would bring us both in pain,

    And we would have nothing to share,

    Something we can never handle.

    If reality is what’s going to hurt,

    I would leave without an alert.

    I would be gone back to dreaming,

    I need this, I don’t need redeeming,

    I need to face all the sins coming back at me.

    Never letting you go even though you’re gone.

    Never let you go with the flow.

    I would try to make it work,

    But still it would be long to find you again.

    My worst dreams are coming true,

    Something I would have to go through.

  14. I could not let him go..

    Our heart’s pain had to grow..

    I held his hand..

    Begging him to stay..

    Wanting to say..

    I do not want you away..

    Be with me..

    Love me..

    But I know, her you would not betray..

    Give up? will not do..

    You are mine to be..

    I am in need of you..

    To complete me..

    Leaving him for her..

    I could not bear..

    Tonight only..

    I managed to say..

    I lost my pride..

    Now, I have nothing to hide..

    I leaned closer to him..

    Never wanting more than a kiss..

    My skin cuddled the beloved pain..

    I knew then..

    It was the end..

    Broken me will never mend..

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